Hello Brain
i watched an excision of meningioma today
an excision of this meningioma
i will save you the details on how intricate and delicate the procedure was because i know this is way too heavy for leisure reading. besides, and more importantly, i am no expert in this *duh* i wasn't very sure what i was looking at until the very very VERY VEEERRY kind surgeon stopped and orientated me a bit. my philosophy is, if he cut it, then it's the tumour. i know i am a genius. i was shown the anterior cerebral artery, the optic nerve, the internal carotid artery, the optic chiasm, the tentorium, the 3rd cranial nerve.
and i saw the brain
for the very first time
a real brain, a brain of a living man, a brain of man with a beating heart
the brain of a man breathing under sheets of sterilized covers
the brain that looks so fragile yet so durable
hello brain, i think i like you.
i think i LOVE you.
i want to hang out with you.
can we go out on a date?
and i think we should do that more often.
what say you?
*
and on that note, i think my existing brain is mad at me because i fall in love with another brain, it's not working properly. in fact i think my brain can see this coming since a few days ago, i haven been thinking straight since wednesday morning. since wednesday morning at 8.30 a.m. to be more precise.
but at least my brain decided to go on a vacation after my oral presentation.
Brain.
My brain
When are you coming back? i need you.
*
and u will know that my brain is back when i stop crapping about my brain.
Labels: AMS
Maybe Yes Maybe No
My supervisor said to me today "Phey you have been working too much more than you should."
The lady cleaner said to me "You are still here?! Do they pay you overtime?"
and the worse of all
"are you single?"
my interpretation
people usually have sth better to do than staying back late in the hospital
when people do stay late
they were either paid
or they were losers with nth else better to do
i just happen to be the second species
ouch ouch ouch
tomorrow i am leaving before lunch!
Labels: AMS, anecdote
of low wooden table and sushi
mel is very creative and imaginative. she is the only person i know who hasn't lost the children side of her. oh and mel is a very good story teller too. something to do with zebra crossing and crowbar. but that's for another post.
what i am trying to get to is that mel et al. (yeap, too much literature review) dropped by our new home the other weekend and she instantly fell in love with our coffee table. our low white ply wood cheap ikea coffee table. apparently that table reminded her of japanese food hence she eagerly suggested that we have a sushi party. and of course being the spontaneous people we are, we started a facebook event and within 5 days, we had our sushi pa-pa-party with loads and loads of green tea~
we had salmon, terriyaki chicken, terriyaki beef, eels, sweeten eggs, carrots and ZUCCHINI for sushi. and we love making sushi rolls because wrapping sushi is the only time one can legally rightfully play with their food
and just to show you how many cups we have.
me and sis, we are cups lovers.
because neither of us are very keen cup washer
*
being the almighty nicest person on earth, mel bought all the ingredients because kim ditched her. thanks my dear, u know we love u. and next time when kim decided to ditch u again, please please PLEASE call me.
*kim u r not reading this are you? dun tell her i said that*
*
and have i told you that
i LOVE my kitchen
it's so much more spacious and organized and well equiped we felt like we were masterchef/ironchef of some sorts. no kidding
and having 3 chopping boards is a good thing
i love the feeling of being able to do anything because u have everything
come on, who doesn't?
and we had plenty of sushi mats too. thanks people for bring ur mats!
i can't bear to think of what would have happened if we only had one.
EVERYBODY wanted to have a go
everyone excpt sis i guess. because her special friend wanted to wrap sushi more badly than she.
*
and guess what we had for dessert?
Greentea Cheesecake (recipe)
and i cheated.
*
i can't seem to find any greentea powder at the grocery shop near my new place and as you know it was a pretty last minute thing so i had not choice but made do with
green tea bags =.=
*
don't follow me my dear friend. my greentea cheesecake didn't taste like greentea - i was told. but fear not, i will try this recipe again when i get me hands on some greentea powder!
this is a no bake cheesecake (except the crust)
and the cheesecake part? you won't believe how many kinds of dairy products i used
and trust me u don't want to know.
but i am going to tell u anyway
you know, to save you some trouble from having to look through the recips
and to make u feel bad
cream cheese + whipped cream + milk
and now u know why people say cake is unhealthy.
not that you should believe them though.
use ur own judgement. u are a big girl now *grin*
i used triple chocolates cookies instead of choc waffles because i can't find any from my local supermarket. now i wonder where i am staying.
and i love to capture the pouring part. it looks cool. no?
*
and surely i used the wrong camera mode
*
the green should look like this
freeze then in the fridge overnight and there you go
no greentea flavour greentea cheesecake
*
lesson of the story: use proper ingredient. just like so many things in life, u get out what you put in.
see, baking can get pretty philosophical at times.
*
and i baked some donut muffins the other day
i know they look lovely but let me tell u a secret
they were
blend
hard
dry.
*
lesson to be told: dun judge a muffin by it's look.
*
HAPPY SATURDAY PEOPLE!
P.S. can't somebody please kick my arse and make my get some work done. please?
Labels: baking and me, friends n love, new home
of birthdays and cakes
and so the title says it all.
gosh i feel so out of touch. i haven updated my blog for ages now (and then i realize i almost always start every entry with the same introduction =.=). i guess i am just creative that way :) but really, i have made several attempts trying to update my blog through the hospital computer.
hang on a sec, before you start judging me, let me tell u this, whatever i did (or tried to do to be more precise) has no effect on patient care what-so-ever because
- firstly, i TRIED uploading photos only after working hour (according to my definition, after work is 8 pm not 5 pm)
- secondly, i did so through the one and only computer for AMS students at the clinical science building aka the one and only computer that can access facebook *grin*
- thirdly, i was never successful at doing anything anyway
so for all you nervous people out there, no harm was done, no crime committed, i am still a very good person :)
what i am trying to say is that i have wanted to share all this lovely pictures with you since ages ago but i couldn't because it took a while for me to get my internet connected. i know i have a very unique way of expressing myself.
there were 4 consecutive birthdays over the first weekend mum left melbourne. i can't help but shiver when i see the word consecutive - "this series looked at the surgery outcomes of 349 consecutive patients treated by surgery at RMH" - *shiver**shiver**shiversssss* so i decided to face my greatest fear and desensitize myself to that word. there were 4 consecutive birthdays so i bake 3 consecutive cakes in 2 consecutive days. =) i am loving it.
these are what you need to come up with 3 decent birthday cakes
and these, these are what it takes to make ur dreams reality.
i am serious
*
ALMOND CUPCAKES with BLACKBERRIES FROSTING
and yes, there was a lot of butter and sugar
and coconut cream too
*
it can't get any more unhealthier than that.
but then it also can't get any better than this
just tell me
how could it get ANY better!
*
*
guess what you need?
hazelnut
and chocolate and chocolate
*
doesn't take a genius to figure this out does it?
*
this recipe requires spiltting the egg white from the yolk and beat them seperately and combine time later on
and i have to say this.
the process was DISGUSTING
u sure get what i mean.
but then how could you say no to such outcome?
the torture was worth it.
i mean it.
*
and please, cut down the sugar
and i mean it too
*
ALMOND RASPBERRY LAYER CAKE with CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM
i can hear you screaming!
and to all the overly health conscious med freak, these didn't go into the cake. these went straight into my blood circulation and slowly clotting up my already half atherosclerosed vessels, esp my coronary arteris. i think i would make history by becoming the youngest person to have a triple coronary by pass. i am going to be famous!
anyway, this was what went into the cake, so CHILL
and these were what came out from the oven
and this was what i did to the cake.
i am loving this. pictures really speak a thousand words :)
*
i shall spare u the boring details of what i did to get the frosting and show you what i did with the frosting instead
one very VERY useful tips i get from smitten kitchen, slide some baking parchment at the edge of ur cake before u apply the frosting. when u are done covering up the lumps and bumps with ur yummylicious fattening artey clotting edible concealer, remove the baking papers and u will have a clean cake. have a think about that.
isn't this lovely?
(say yes)
*
and did u see the tampered chocolate on top of both my cakes?
i made them
and yes i am very proud so myself
and that's why i am showing it off
melt your chocolate in a double boiler
*
it's a MUST
it's a MUST if u want ur chocolate to be smooth and shiny. i tried using microwave and the results was disastrous. trust me, i have been there before and i dun wan u to suffer like i did. because i am nice.
then put ur melted choc into a ziploc bag
let it cool for a while (as long as it takes for u to be able to hold them)
then squeeze on a piece of parchment paper
criss cross is the conventional shapes, but u can do whatever u want actually.
like squeezing then into little chocolate chips again if u like, u know, if it gives u a sense that u have a healing hand and are able to restore/cure anything
oh please i DIDN'T do that.
*
but this did happen
this is what i call trial and error, this is what microwave have done to my chocolate, so PLEASE i beg u not to microwave ur chocolate. DON'T!
*
so this is my little birthday cake adventures
i absolutely enjoyed myself
*
and i hope u guys love it too :)
*
HAPPY FRIDAY PEOPLE!
Labels: AMS, baking and me, friends n love
Guess who was here?
wooo~~~ i haven blogged for a while.
reasons/ excuses/ rationale
i am busy
AMS = advanced man slavery
someone important and special were here
no internet connection at home
*
anyway~
*
Guess who was here?
and the reason she came?
have i told you that we are moving!
i think i have.
because i told almost everyone that i bumped into about my move
because i am so excited!
and i *LOVE* my new place
because it has a space i call KITCHEN
i can foresee myself spending a lot of time here
shredding carrots and zesting lemon
chopping onion and dicing tomatoes
blending strawberry milkshakes and shifting flour
i am going to be in my own element
and i am going to be a very happy person ;)
(i will keep you posted with my progress =p)
*
back to moving.
where else could one get reasonable furniture that doesn't cost a fortune besides IKEA? it's definitely the cheapest furniture retailer around. (please don't quote me on that though) but of course, the cheapness comes with a price. you need to choose ur own furniture (of course you have to, DUH), get those neatly packed wooden planks from the many aisles in the warehouse, push 4 trolleys with 24 pieces worth of furniture to the check out counter, then go to the delivery service counter, then wait for the delivery the next day at 7 am, and lastly, assemble your own furniture.
are you still with me?
it was a very tedious process
tedious and laborious and energy draining process.
BUT
i enjoyed it though, because i know by the end of the day, i can proudly say that we furnished and assembled our own place, and we did it in the most cost efficient way.
let's rock it shall we?
but before i go any further, let me tell u this.
we were good
we were really good
i mean we were REALLY REALLY good.
*bite me*
we had a timeline, mum wished/hoped/wanted/insisted of staying at our new place before she went back to Malaysia so we had a deadline to meet. she arrived on a wednesday morning, we went to IKEA in the afternoon. furnitures arrived on Thursday morning. we assembled EVERYTHING in a day. Friday we cleant our apartment, looked for matresses, re-assembled the sofa bed that we put together incorrectly (okay i was fully responsible for that =.=) i screwed up 1 in 25, i was still 96% right, so i am still brilliant :p *gosh sth is wrong with me today* anyway, saturday our bed arrived, me and mum went back to IKEA again because we freaking didn't know we need wooden planks to hold out matresses up o.O and TADAH -> our apartment turned into a home *tears*
*
furnitures in boxes
we started of with the simplest furniture
the chair
i was very excited because at that very morning, i came into the hospital to watched a lumbar spine fusion. the surgeon was chiselling and hammering pins into the intervertebral space and that inspired me. i thought if i were ever going to become a surgeon (and hence have to be very good with my hands) i shall starts hammering lifeless objects. furniture is a pretty good choice.
i shall become an excelleny carpenter before i become an even more excellent human carpenter.
and mum brought over a drill - and that drill saved our lifes.
mum rocks!
after 2 hrs of hammering and diagram deciphering, we decided that lunch was more appealing that cardboxes
so we went to a nearby japanese restaurant for some carbs and proteins
we definitely needed that because fixing furniture is not only physically demanding but also mentally challenging.
*
u need to decipher the diagrams
there are no WORDS in the instruction booklets
somehow IKEA prefers non verbal communication
and thank god i went to med school. we were taught non verbal communication in semester 1. but it's a shame that those diagrams were not very medical student friendly or interactive.
meh~ i still managed to figure it out anyway. it just took a while
*
it took a while until sis was so bored she whipped out mum's (now ours) camera
and took pictures of us slaving away
and being the genius i am, i trapped myself at the corner of the bed
the thing is i am so not very flexible at all. it took me a fair while to get myself out of the mess. *and thank god sis didn't have pics of me doing that*
next up - coffee table
it was one of the no-brainer-furniture
and i was grateful for that
i was ETERNALY grateful for that
*
and then it was our bookcase
it's one of our favourite piece of furniture
and i dun even know why
*
and this is the sofa bed that i mentioned earlier
we fixed the cushions inside out
it actually looked pretty cool
but we just couldn't pull the sofa out if we left it like this
so we have no choice but to reassembled it.
and we actually got someone else to do it
because we just simply can't be bothered anymore :)
*
and i feel bad for not mentioning my brother at all.
let's talked about him shall we?
yea he was pretty helpful that day.
*
so in short
the girls rock!
daddy are you proud of us?
i know you do!
and last but not least
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
U KNOW WE HEART YOU!
and i have thought of the best b'dat present for you.
i will stay at home and study really REALLY hard tomorrow.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
okay i will make sure sis does the same.
how about that?
Labels: b'day, family n love, new home
of pumpkin and fairy tale and prince charming
hey there! how was your Saturday?
Did you manage to accomplish whatever task you planned for yourself since Monday. The errand that you determined u were going to run? that article that you were so certain you would read? baked that cake that you have been itching to try out? (there i go again...)
*
so let's do some maths shall we? come on, you dun want your brain to shrink to the size of an ostrich.
+1 for every mission accomplished; -1 for doing thing you were not supposed to do.
*
i PLANNED to go to the gym this morning - i didn't go
i PLANNED to do my lite review - i didn't do
i PLANNED to bake - i did =)
i DIDN'T PLAN to watch any movie - i watched one.
*
0 + 0 + 1 - 1 = 0
*
I am a genius.
and YOU ought to be a genius too if u could appreciate my equation and are still reading my entry at this moment. so CONGRATULATION!
*
okay so i got a bit side tracked. what i wanted to tell you is
when i say the best
i mean THE BEST
the best as in you will never ever try any other muffin recipe for the rest of your life after you've tried this
the best as in you would eat 3 muffins in a row after your lunch
the best as in you would fall in love with pumpkin even you loathe pumpkin once ur palate come in contact with this muffin
the best as in you could save your life baking this muffin
the best as in you don't care if tomorrow is the end of the world.
*
GET IT?
*
i made my own pumpkin puree. this was not the first time i made them but it was the first time i made them RIGHT. thanks to the pioneer woman. seriously, u guys should so start reading her blog, i beg you, it's for your own good. forget about emedicine and medline and pubmed. because at the end of the day, u can always substitue prescribing medicine with giving out muffins. i honestly think that that's going to work pretty well. don't you think so too?
*
*
sorry i got distracted again =P
*
alrighty, so instead of steaming your pumpkin.
BAKE then in the oven at 350 degree fehrenheit for 45 mins
OR
until you tiny bird cage apartment smells like heaven. you will know it when you smell it.
then remove the skin and mesh your pumpkin like you would for potatoes
*
just note that this is good for anger management
that's another reason i strongly recommend you to bake this muffin.
*
this is the SOFTEST muffins i have ever eaten in my life.
i am no kidding and no way am i exaggerating! u just need to try it to believe me. and the trick is, this time, i finally decided to shift my flour. yes i never shifted my flour before this, not in melbourne anyway, because i dun have a proper tupperware blue and transparent cake shifter with handle like what i have back home *tears* but people, shifting is necessary, it is compulsory, it's a must, so DO IT.
the dry ingredients were flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, cinammon and nutmeg.
wet ingredients (is there such a term?) were pumpking puree, evaporated milk, essence vanilla and egg
and i am so glad i bought a pastry cutter the other day, cutting butter into flour is FUN. go try!
*
bake your muffins in the oven for 22 mins and there you go!
the best pumpkin muffins
and dun forget to sprinkle a generous amount of cinnamon sugar before you bake them
*
i specifically tell you this because i FORGOT. so dun you dare repeat the same mistake i did! it's a disrespect to the muffins and it's a CRIME. so DUN!
because the best pumpkin muffins ougth to be flawless.
because i said so.
*
and i baked a batch of very sweet and chewy coconut cookies last weekend because we ran out of biscuits at home.
no, not really.
i baked because i am always not very good at refraining myself form doing stuff i am not suppose to do.
like baking.
*
and i have a confession to make.
i think i am in love.
increased heart beat
racing pulse rate
mindless giggles
abnormally happy
i told u i watched a movie right? i watched the little mermaid. and i fall in love with Prince Eric.
*
He is so CHARMING
is he not? is he not??
*
*sigh* i shall go to sleep now people.
i have dreams to make.
Labels: baking and me, my love
of medicine and moments
i know the title is a mouthful but it reflects the content of my blog, so i am sticking to it. so much yet so little happened over the past few days. I went to clinics as usual, i did my data collection for my research project, i did my literature review, i went for a meeting with CCLLEN regarding my SALP community project, i signed a contract, i watched movies with the girls, and i baked. (oh and i had my menstruation too.) and all of a sudden, i have many thoughts. i am not saying that they are great thoughts, it's just that i have been thinking and i am aware of it. does it make sense?
i love going to clinic.
because i am *still* an AMS student and i have all the reason on earth to not know much. No not really, but at least that is an excuse, valid but lame excuse if u really REALLY REALLY don't know something.
and because both my supervisors are AWESOME. they don't quiz medical students. they ASK questions, and if you don't know the answer, they will TEACH you. this, is what i call great teachers.
and because most of the patients are friendly. some of them are really nice. and a handful of them are really funny. we saw a patient with poorly controlled hypertension the other and the doctor tried to advise the patients to eat wisely. the conversation was something along the lines:-
Pt: Yes i tried to eat more healthy. I had cereal for breakfast now. Only cereal and milk. Really light. Should i do that for lunch?...... Can I actually do that? Is that safe?
Dr: Yeap, that's alright. But may be you should supplement your diet with more fruits and vegetables.
Pt: So fruits are good? But i have diabetes. somebody told me that fruits are not good for my blood sugar.
Dr: Yes there is sugar in fruits but as long as you don't eat a crane of mango in a week that should be fine.
*i was trying so hard to not laugh at that stage*
Pt: Is meat pie fine?
Dr: NO.
Pt: Meat pie is not good? but i always feel so good after i have them! you know. it makes u feel energetic.
Dr: *nods* Just cut down on your salt. Take away food is very high in salt. so it would be good if u can exclude them from you diet.
Pt: but i was told i need salt for my thyroid.
Dr: u are talking about iodine i presume. and yes it is true that they put iodine into salt. Do you drink a lot of soft drinks?
Pt: Yes. Just Diet coke.
Dr: That's not good.
Pt: *genuinely shocked* DIET COKE IS NOT GOOD?!?!?
Dr: No. Diet coke and tap water, tap water easily wins hands down.
patients can at times be so CUTE. no kidding.
but of course, there are some down times in clinic too. I saw a patient with metastatic melanoma that spread to his liver, lungs and brain. He had an operation to remove the brain tumour, had full dose radiotherapy on his entire brain and tried every single regime of chemotherapy. but the tumour recurred. and this time, one of the tumour is at the region where operation is not recommended. in other words, the patient runs out of option. Not only did the doctor have to break the bad news to the family members, he had to explain why he would not recommend surgery. at some point during the consultation, the partner became a little emotional and cried.
"I watched my mother died. I watched my brother died. I am not immuned to this you know. i just need to now how long he has to live"
this strucked me.
we had lecture on dealing with difficult patients last semester and we talked about "the urge to just run away and leave the room". i thought THAT was a weak thing to do, it shouldn't even cross your mind. and i believe everybody elses think so too. BUT at that instance, leaving the room was exactly what i wanted to do. it ain't easy.
but the doctor was great. He was frank but not blunt. Sensitive but not overly cautious. Thoughtful but not emotional. Empathetic but not sympathetic. It seems to me that he just has the whole package with the right amount of everything. He genuinely cares.
at the end of the consultation, the wife said
"Do you have anymore question my love"
what i felt at that moment, was beyond words. it made the romance that i see everyday seem so shallow and futile.
and when we left the room, that lady said
"thanks and all the best"
it should be US saying that.
You do learn from your patients. U learn every single day. Anytime. From anyone.
Labels: AMS, medicine and me
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